Light up the shadows
by DeliriousMelody
Summary: Light chose a different way to cover-up the fact that he's Kira. So he cuts himself while L and Soichiro are watching. Only does Light realize that his plan screwed up when his father and mother are sending him to counselors and therapy sessions. When Light joins the taskforce he and L finally meet and begin to feel attracted to each other as they search for Kira. Seme-LxUke-Light.
1. Chapter 1

Light almost gasped out loud from the pain in his wrists and arms. How he _craved_ for this pain. The dark red blood seeped from the cuts on his wounds and dripped onto a towel he placed under himself. He arched his back and murmered dark words to himself.

"I'm sorry that I'm worthless" He murmured quietly to himself. _Hah! Sorry I'm going to kill you all...to hear your screams of mercy... To crave your blood on the floors._

Light placed the knife over his wrist and sliced it, making more blood fall. He was on his bed, looking down so that his soft brown hair hid his smirk as he knew that L was watching him. Ryuk was floating through the air watching with interest at what Light was currently doing. The God of Death was rather silent, he found this new plan of Light's to be rather interesting.

It was currently ten at night and everyone was already in bed sleeping. Well, everyone except Light of course. Light finally stopped the cuts after adding three more cuts and placed his beloved knife down gently. He wrapped gauze around his wrists and picked up everything that was used, wincing from the pain slightly. He walked so quietly that you would've thought that nobody else was up wandering the house.

As he reached the bathroom, he closed the door and locked it. He unwrapped the bloody gauze and threw it away into a small trash bag he has hidden under a loose floorboard. He placed the bag down hoping that the crinkling sounds it's making won't wake his sister Sayu, whose room was right next to the bathroom, up.

He quickly placed the knife, gauze, and towel into the bag after rinsing the knife and his arms free of blood in the sink. He tied up the bag and grabbed out an extra piece of a bandage and wrapped the gauze around his wrists swiftly and...experetly, L noted. He also noted that he had lots of old scars up and down his wrists along with the new cuts he added.

* * *

"My son?...why...how-how long?..." Soichiro said aloud in confused and pathetic fashion. L himself wasn't doing any better either. The reason L never took some cases was because they involved suicide and self harm. L couldn't stand people killing one another...but to themselves seemed much, much worse. L remembered when he was in Light's shoes.

Shaking his head at the dark memories that dared try to resurface themselves again. L called for Watari.

"Watari. Get Mr. Yagami some painkillers and some tea for the both of us, please hurry" L murmured quietly as to not bother Mr. Yagami. Barely a minute passed and Watari was standing there with a tray in his hand, on the tray was the pain killers and two cups of tea that had steam still blowing gently into the air.

"T-thank you, Watari" Soichiro whispered hoarsely, after Watari had given him the hot tea and some pain killers.

After Watari, the two men sat silently, both wondering if this had happened and actually

"Mr. Yagami...I would understand if you would like to take time off the Kira case to try and settle your...family issues" L started as calm as he can. Soichiro didn't know what to do anymore. He felt like he was the reason to blame. He was never home anymore, and he and Light only exchange pleasantries to each other. God, he wanted so badly to help Light and to make him see that he wasn't worthless at all!

"Y-yes, I think that would be b-best for now. I guess this is goodnight for n-now" Soichiro said, he was quiet unsure what to do now. It hurt L seeing the older man like that, to an extent. I mean, what would you do if your seemingly perfect son did something like this? L watched nothing for a few moments as he was left alone in the dark hotel room after Soichiro had left.

'What _are you up to Kira?'_ L thought to himself as he swirled the cup of tea in his hands that had lots of sugar in it. L placed the cup of tea down and began to nibble on his thumb gently as he was lost in his thoughts. L never managed to sleep at all that night, as he continued to watch Light through the cameras.

* * *

Light was rather pleased with his recent plans he had just done. He was still continuing to kill criminals obviously, but we shall not dwell on those petty parts of the plan. No, it was the fact that Light had willingly allowed L and whoever else was watching him on all of those cameras installed in his room. Light knew that the paper in the door was only going to work as a weak cover-up, so he decided that if they _really_ wanted to watch him he was going to give them a real good show with 1st class tickets.

Ryuk was too busy doing handstands because he was having _withdrawals_ from now having any damn _apples_ for only two hours. Light's eye was beginning to twitch from getting irritated by the annoying god of death.

Light had woken up bright and early as if nothing of last night had even bothered him at all. Usually after bleeding as much as he did last night Light didn't feel tired or weak. He felt rather cheery and energetic at the moment.

As, Light walked downstairs and into the kitchen he ran right into his father's chest by accident. Light felt his head began to suddenly pound heavily with a headache and he backtracked and looked right up into the stern eyes of his father. It was at that moment, Light knew he had done something wrong. Ryuk was behind Light laughing hard as if he knew something the Light didn't. But, knowing Ryuk, Light will probably learn what Ryuk was laughing at in a few minutes or so.

"Sorry dad, I wasn't looking where I was going" Light said sheepishly, and placed a small fake awkward smile on his perfect face.

"Light come and sit down in the kitchen. Your mother and I have something to talk about with you. Now." Soichiro said, his voice seemed so calmly collected when Soichiro didn't feel calm. In fact he wasn't aware what he was feeling besides disappointment and shock. Light felt himself freeze up and he cursed to himself in a repeated mantra.

* * *

 **Read and Review your thoughts please!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Yeah Dad? What's this all about?" Light asked cautiously as he was seated in a chair. He was sitting down in the kitchen table with his parents sitting directly in front of him. Light felt the need to be very cautious around his mother and father as his mother had sent his sister Sayu out to the mall with over 100$ and they have never done that except when something bad has happened. Light glanced at his mother and father. His mother, Sachiko, looked as if she was going to cry, her eyes were teary and she looked so upset. And his father, Soichiro, his appearance was unsavory as he looked enraged yet disappointed. What ever is happing, it's not going to be good.

"Light" Sochiro said, his voice seemed loud and almost echoed around the kitchen. "Give me your wrist." Soichiro finished. Light froze. _My wrist? What's this all about?_ How _did they find out? There is literally no evidence for them to even think that I would...unless...my father was watching as well...but he wouldn't stand for cameras in our house without us knowing because it is just immoral and wrong..._

"My w-wrist? What for?" Light asked calmly, hoping to whatever god that was out there that his parents didn't hear his stutter. He had never stuttered in his life.

"Give me your wrist Light. Now" Soichiro replied with much more force in his voice this time. Light stiffened visibly now. He stared his father in the eyes. Sachiko held her hand over her chest in worry.

"No" Light whispered, to his surprise and his parents as well. Light has never told his parents no for anything. He always obeyed his parents.

"Your wrist. Now!" Soichiro said, voice getting louder with each word. Light began to shake with fear but determination. Light couldn't believe this was happening, in his entire life neither of his parents have ever raised their voices ever. Soichiro walked quickly over to Light and grabbed his right wrist and pulled up the sleeve roughly. Light winced and he closed his eyes as he heard his parents gasp loudly at the blood soaked bandages. He could feel his father unwrap the bloody bandages that covered his scars.

"Oh Light..." Sachiko whispered, her voice echoed in the painfully silent room. Light opened his eyes and he gaze downwards, his gaze was locked onto the sight was his bloody and scarred wrist. His smooth skin was covered in a litter of scars that were very deep and were still slightly bleeding. There were old scars and the newer cuts that were just barely healing yet.

The room was so hushed and devoid of sounds that everything seemed to have an echo like Light's heavy and choked breathing. The air felt tense and like it was suffocating, Light felt like he couldn't breath. Light barely registered the laughter that no one else can hear coming from the annoying Shinigami that followed Light.

"Light...why?' his father asked him after the long and very painful silence.

'I..." Light stopped. Light couldn't just go up and say 'Because I'm Kira and I knew you guys place cameras inside my room and I had a plan back-fire and now we're here?'

* * *

 _"Yagami-San. Wait a moment" L said suddenly, just as Soichiro was getting ready to leave for home. Soichiro turned to look questioningly towards L._

 _"What is it Ryuzaki?" Soichiro asked._

 _"You may not know it but I have studied many forms of psychology...if you would like I would be happy to assist your son..." L offered. Soichiro thought it over. What would go wrong? This could help Light and his...problems._

 _"If-If it is no bother with you, then yes. Now goodnight Ryuzaki" Soichiro replied, leaving L to his thoughts when he left. L was wondering why on earth he had done that._

* * *

"Your mother and I have decided to take you to stay with a doctor. He is an expert in psychology and he will monitor you until you get better. It's for your own good son." Soichiro said. Light felt his world soon to be new perfect world just crumble around him instantly. His face felt hot with humilation, rage, and embarresment.

"Why should I go!" Light yelled, standing up and knocking over his chair. Light stared his father in the eyes waiting for an answer. His father's stern eyes stared back and Light almost flinched. He swore he saw a flicker of fear in them that were soon replaced by something that Light hate most of all. Love and determination. it made him sick just thinking about it. Love was usless and it only got you killed or hurt and turned you into a mindless being that desperately needed to be loved and to love.

"Because we love you son. We want to you be happy, we don't want you to hurt yourself!" Sachiko said suddenly, she looked on at Light with love as well, Light wanted to cut again just to wipe that _love_ off of her face. He didn't want and didn't need love. It was pathetic.

"I'm not going. There is no need. I'm fine-" Light said exasperatedly. _Why didn't they realize that he doesn't need help?_

"You are going and that's final." Soichiro said ending the conversation. He knew it would be a disaster if they really went into feelings and things with Light. He was always emotionally distant with everybody. He was always studying things he already knew just so he didn't have to talk to anybody. It was hard on his parents because knowing that your child didn't need hurt. But, it was harder on Sayu as she always loved company but with her parents always busy she would go be with Light, that was until he started distancing himself away leaving Sayu all alone.

"I don't care! You guys never cared anyway" Light retorted. He knew it was true. His mother may ask questions but all she wanted to see was Light's grades and 100% tests. His father was barely home and they only said "good night" now anyways.

"What do mean son?" Soichiro asked. Light grew even more angry at them. _Now_ they want to care about him?

"What does it matter! I'm not going anyways." Light said fuming, Light stepped over the fallen chair and stormed away, fuming, up the stairs leading to his bedroom.

"Light! Get back here immediately!" Soichiro demanded angrily. He was not going to be ignored like this.

Light ignored his fathers calls and kept walking. Eyes were glittering maliciously blood red. Wanting to see blood splattered on the walls. Light heard his fathers footsteps following him. Light walked faster up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door behind him, locking it in a flash. His father started knocking on the door furiously.

"Ooo, Daddy's a little bit mad isn't he?" Ryuk's raspy voice said, he did that 'hyuk' laugh of his while Light grabbed his backpack and emptied it out. His phone and wallet fell out along with his school things. Grabbing the phone and wallet Light made his way to his closet, he grabbed his coat and his shoes. Light walked across the the balcony that hangs outside his room. Light knew he only had limited time before his father eventually gotten into his room. So Light took a ladder off the balcony and climbed down quickly when he heard the door bust open. Shit. His father was calling his name out with such a pissed off tone.

Light jumped down and fell for a few feet before running down the alleyway behind his house. His father was already chasing him. Light could hear Ryuk laughing in the background. Light only had to take one turn to the left and his father would lose his trail. Just a little longer. Light could almost taste the freedom. When he was quickly tackled to the ground by his father roughly, Light fell quickly and his head grazed the ground.

Light felt something trickling down the right side of his face. Placing a hand over it and looking at it, he saw dark red blood. It felt sticky and warm and it looked beautiful. Light sat up and just stared down at the blood, mesmorized by it. He started laughing as more blood fell down his face and onto his hand, his clothes, and the ground. Light barely registered the familiar voice that was calling for him now.

Light was too far gone now to even understand what the person was saying to him. How many seconds, minutes, hours it had been. Or when he was taken in the ambulance that sounded like screaming in his ears. Or the odd man with dark messy hair and had greatly resembled a panda. Light looked the man in his black empty eyes.

"Panda" Was all Light said that started another round of laughter that sounded insane.


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Death Note, just the story plot! Caution: Yaoi and probably some mild cursing. Sorry I didn't update I have been busy with my horrible-yet-not-horrible family...ANYWAYS thanks for the reviews I live for them! If you guys would like to read a good Death Note story I would recommend "Dark Shards" by K.A. Mist. I love that author and that story is so damn awesome I swear man. Anyways back to the chappie see you guys later! My god I had to redo this chapter 10 times because I couldn't make up my mind I really hope you guys love this story I just can't believe that people seem to like it. I'm not much of an optimist nor a pessimist I just I can't even explain I really do love the reviews and how you guys take time out of your day just to read it I mean seriously thank you! You guys are the best and just back to the story before I get all weepy and eat snickers. For the record I don't have a Beta and I'm pretty sure I made so many mistakes. Lol back to the damn story againi i keep sidetracking myself.**

* * *

Light groaned from the pain in his head. His eyes fluttered open as he sat up from his bed. Looking around, Light realized that this wasn't his room. And that this wasn't his bed. The white walls and beeping monitors were enough evidence to tell Light where he was.

"Light! You're awake!" Sayu's voice said loudly. Light turned to his left and seen Sayu sitting up from a chair, she looked exhausted and had a small blanket wrapped around her. She stood up quickly and nearly fell over, she sheepishly straightened herself out and walked quickly over to Light and gave him a bone crushing hug. Light winced from the pain. And Sayu gasped. "Sorry Light, forgot about that..."

"I-it's alright Sayu. Why am I here?" Light asked. Sayu looked at him oddly. She sat back down in the chair and explained.

"Don't you remember you got hit by that car? You got hurt, they took you in an ambulance and everything" Sayu said. Suddenly Sayu punched Light in the arm. "You've had me worried sick you baka! Don't you ever do this again!"

"Ow! Ok! Ok, I promise!" Light laughed weakly. "So where are o-our parents?" Light asked.

"The doctor wanted to talk with them a bit ago. They said they were going to be gone for a while. Light...why did you do it?" Sayu said, but here voice turned sad and cracked slightly. Light froze.

"I-" Light started, "I don't know..." Light whispered. He couldn't tell if he was being truthful or honest anymore. But did it even matter?

"Don't think I'm stupid because I'm not! I know when you are hiding things from me. And not just me, mom and dad have noticed too!" Sayu cried, her eyes began to water and her lips seemed to quiver.

"I- You guys wouldn't understand. No one does, hell I don't even know if I understand anymore. I'm just...so _tired_ of everything..." Light murmered to himself.

Sayu was silent now. Her face was blank except for her eyebrows. They were knitted together as if she was using all of her energy to think. Light wouldn't put it past her to be thinking up all the ways she can help him. That's just who she was, she had a heart full of gold.

"Why?' She asked after a few minutes of silence. Light want to hide under some covers, this did not go to plan. At all.

"Why what Sayu?" Light knew it was a futile attempt to pretend innocence but he can try can't he?

"You know what I'm talking about!" Sayu said loudly. Light just stayed silent. "I've seen your scars before Light! Don't think that you can just hide them from us with hiding in your room and _studying_. We know what you do! You've been worrying mom and now that dad's found out...we worry about you Light."

Sayu had tear streaks down her eyes now.

"You're different Light, it's hard for us to keep up with you. Not just us, everybody...and we can only imagine how lonely you are Light. But that doesn't mean you can just keep doing this to yourself!" Sayu said, Light felt like wincing. Her words just seemed to pierce right through him. Sayu stood once again and hugged Light. Sayu nuzzled into Light's chest. "Please...don't leave us..." Sayu whispered. Light felt like crying for the first time in years.

"I-..." Light tried to promise, but he didn't finish. Sayu looked up, straight into Light's eyes. Her doe like eyes were a dark auburn matching his, but hers held a young innocence in them.

"Promise me Light. Promise you won't leave" Sayu said, determined to make Light promise. Her voice left no room for any arguements Light may have had.

"I promise, if you promise not to keep hugging me any tighter because I can't breath Sayu" Light said quickly. Sayu let go and apologized.

"Sorry" Sayu again said sheepishly. Light waved her off and his shirt sleeve moved down, showing some scars, both old and new. Light hastily shoved the sleeve back down and looked away from Sayu. He jumped when he felt a soft hand grabbing his wrist. He looked back and Sayu had her hand around his wrist and looked at Light with sadness.

'Can I see them?" Sayu asked, her eyes filled with curiousity. Too bad curiosity killed the cat. Light only nodded. Sayu looked back at his wrist and pulled the sleeve down. She didn't gasp, cry, shout, yell, or anything. She just stared at them, expressionless.

Her thin fingers traced some old jagged scars up and down Light's arms. Light only watched, he blanched after a moment. He could seen his arms, coated wih dark red blood. Trailing down his arms, and dripping down, landing with a pitter patter sound.

"Oh Light..." Sachiko whispered. Light jumped and ripped his wrist away from Sayu, pulling the sleeve back up and covering his arm. Sachiko and Soichiro stood under the door frame, Soichiro placed a hand and Sachiko's shoulder in a comforting way.

"Hello to you too" Light mumbled absently. Sayu looked at the ceiling with a new interest with the white tiles.

"You must be Light-kun. I've heard so much about you, if everyone may please leave the room I need to have a few words with Light-kun" A male voice said, in a polite way. Light looked back and had seen a dark figure standing behind his parents. Sachiko and Soichiro called for Sayu to follow them and they left the room quickly. The figure stepped forward and Light just looked at the figure.

The man was slouched over, but he looked as if he were to stand he would be rather tall, taller then Light. His raven black hair was bizarre and wild. He had large owl like eyes with dark circles under his eyes. He was very pale, not a sickly pale, just white like marble. He wore a white long sleeved shirt, baggy jeans, and some ratty shoes with no socks.

"Well, not to be rude but who are you?" Light asked as politely as he can.

"I am L" The man said. Light wanted to freeze for a moment but he forced himself to move. "But, because of the fact that we are in public I cannot go by the name L so if you may please call me Ryuzaki" "Ryuzaki" said.

"Regardless if you really are L, what do you want with me?" Light asked, he was starting to feel annoyed.

"As you know I am working on the Kira case, and I have seen how intelligent you are. And I wish for you to work on the Kira investigation with me" Ryuzaki stated. His grey eyes stared through Light's making Light shiver. _But what's the catch?_ Light thought to himself.

"What's the catch? You are the world's greatest detective, yet you want the help of a highschooler?" Light said. Ryuzaki seemed to surprised but tried not to notice.

"You are the prime suspect in the Kira investigation" Ryuzaki said. Light tried to make himself looked surprised. "And, your father has agreed to have you work with us only if you are to see a therapist"

"A therapist?" Light repeated. He knew it was coming but just felt pissed at the fact that his parents had chosen _now_ as a great time to act like real parents.

"Yes, even if you refuse to be in the Kira investigation you will have to see a therapist. Also, you are to be staying with me" Ryuzaki ended. He walked over to the seat where Sayu had recently sat in. He crouched down in the seat, hugging his knees as well.

"What? Stay with you? Why?" Light asked, he couldn't believe this.

"Well, I am your new therapist now. Your parents felt that you may not want to stay at home. So the decision has been made. As soon as you get well you are to be going with me until I deem you are not Kira and are well" Ryuzaki ended. Light scoffed.

"Well? I am perfectly fine" Light started.

"You are not well Yagami-kun. After all, look are your arms. Do you call that well?" Ryuzaki said mockingly. Light glared at him.

"I don't care, it doesn't matter who you are, I don't need help" Light said, crossing his arms across his chest. He didn't care if he seemed childish. There was an awkward silence now, even Ryuzaki couldn't help but shift around in his seat.

A soft knock on the door echoed loudly in the quiet room. Light and Ryuzaki turn to see a nurse standing in the doorway with the doctor in tow.

"Ah, your awake now aren't you Yagami-kun? I am your doctor Tsuneo, and it seems that you have already been healed up and you are ready to be released back home. Isn't that great?" Tsuneo said, he seemed like a happy cheerful doctor.

"Yes that would be great, now as his parents are not here and I am his new guardian may I have the papers to sign Light-kun out?" Ryuzaki asked poliely. Tsuneo nodded and handed Ryuzaki a clip board with a pen. As Ryuzaki finished signing the papers the doctor turned to Light.

"Well, your guardian here has already explained your injuries and how to treat them? He seems to want to take you home as soon as possible right?" Tsuneo said, trying to break the awkward silence. Light only stared. What the hell is wrong with everybody?

"I guess" Light said, he couldn't find any...appropiate words to say.

"I've finished. You are ready aren't you Light-kun?" Ryuzaki asked. Handing the doctor the clipboard. Light only stared at him. "You're ready I take it?"

"Well everything seems to be in order, have a nice day you two" Tsuneo said, waving them off. Ryuzaki helped Light up and walked them out of the building and into a fancy limo. Light was too confused really give a damn where he was going. Light could hear Ryuk laughing. Light shivered once again, he felt like something big was going to happen.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile somewhere mysterious and distant from them**_

"Misa. Are you sure this will work?" A dark hunched over figure said. There was a dark room with many gothic things placed everywhere. The room was illuminated by a bright light coming from a laptop. A small female laid on her belly in front of the computer.

"Yes, I just have to trick my friend into doing this. Then surely Kira will notice me!" Misa said, squealing with delight.

* * *

 **So how did you guys like this chapter? Sorry if it was rushed, my fingers started cramping up. Anyways hoped you guys loved it, please review they make me update faster. Thank you for taking time out of your day just to read this it really does make me happy. Love you guys and see you guys later!**

 **~KillerRose17**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys it's me! I'm back with a whole new chapter for "Light up the shadows!" I'm hoping those of you that are still here and reading know that I really appreciate the reviews and follows I've gotten. I'm sorry for not updating I've just had a bout of writers block that wouldn't leave me alone but now I've gotten ideas for some more future chapters ready and I really hope you guys like them. ANyways, I would like to point this out, that Light was cutting before he even came up with that plan of his, and because lets face it, someone like Light needs to have something that challenges them and just gives them thrills. Without anything challenging they will become depressed and most likely suicidal. And Light, before getting the Death Note showed many signs of depression and honestly in my opinion would start cutting himself, but I'll get more into that detail later in the chapter. Sayu, will be a main character with a bigger and more important role in here than in the anime and manga. She, also in my opinion, may seem childish and cheery, but she's actually quite intelligent and very clever it's just that math isn't her strongest skill in life (just like mine but I don't think we should dwell on that fact).**

 **I'm still debating whether I should add Matt, Mello, and Near into this story. But, I'll leave that up to the readers. Just leave your vote in a review or this poll I'm setting up that should be completely set up and ready by the time this story is updated. If yes, you guys vote for yes about having M, M, and N then I'm making another poll for who's going to end up together like Matt x Mello or Mello x Near or Mello x Near x Matt if they get into the story.**

 **Okay I think I've bored you guys enough, I don't own Death Note nor it's characters just an awkward teen here. This chapter might be really short so don't be upset okay? I'll update soon and make a longer story as to make up for not updating. Have a good day/night and leave a review please they give me motivation!**

 **KiraRose17 (Previously KillerRose17)**

* * *

Boredom is such a terrible thing.

Boredom was this uncontained feeling of no entertainment and no happiness, after time goes on it grows more and more frustrating to be bored and once the frustration sets in so does the listlessness and that only makes boredom much more irritating. Then when it gets irritating it gets tiring and exhausting to do the simplest of tasks. After being exhausted, the hysteria and insanity of wanting- no _needing_ to do something almost anything to get the feeling of boredom off your mind seems to drag you further and further down to the point of no returning back into your old self.

Many think that if you are just bored this will happen, no it will not happen you are just a _little_ bored. This happens when you are trapped in the endless waves of boredom with no chance of ever swimming out. And that is what happened to a certain teenager of ours that possesses a killer notebook.

Light grew bored around the age of 10. He tried explaining to his mother and father just how bored he was. But they didn't understand, they never understood Light. All they wanted to hear from Light was how his grades exceeded well beyond his peers and how he continuously was awarded trophy after trophy and awards after awards. So Light kept it to himself hoping that maybe someday he will find another as bored as he and he plastered on a fake smile when he was asked how he was feeling, he hated the bitter taste in his mouth after he said "Fine."

Light was 13, when he finally realized that there was no one was ever going to understand him. And he realized that he was all alone.

Light was 14 when he made his first cut on himself. It wasn't an accident, he was home alone while his mother, father, and Sayu were all at the store getting things for dinner, and Light was walking around his house mindlessly and hopelessly listless, when he came upon a knife in the kitchen. It gleamed brightly, as if calling towards him, and he had been beckoned towards the knife, he picked it up and let his fingers run along the bottom end and lightly stroked it up to the top. Then he dragged it over his wrist and quickly let the knife slash down at his flesh, leaving a crimson line in his smooth skin. Light winced at the pain, but in the end he felt so much relief and actual emotions flow through him. He let his lips curve up into a genuine smile.

That day, Light finally felt a rush of adrenaline run through him, a rush of excitement. It was exhilarating and brought chills thinking about it. Thinking about cutting. Light was careful after the first cut, his sleeve had rolled up and the cut had shown, and his mother had asked what had happened. Light gave a sheepish smile and said he had fell during school, his mother felt satisfied by his answer and she let it go.

After that first cut Light had never cut again, he didn't feel the need nor desire too. He had gotten the rush he wanted just from thinking about that cut and so he just didn't need to cut.

Light felt himself getting better and less and less bored. He talked more about school, he had allowed himself to call some of the peers around him friends and brought them around the house. His parents and sister felt happy that Light was finally opening up and being more social. Light was happy. Key word, _was_.

The small cut hadn't been enough. It was never enough, soon his arms and wrists were littered with small cuts and little nicks that can easily be brushed off as . He always wore long-sleeved shirts so he didn't have to worry about being caught. After a while Light had began to cut deeper and deeper and leaving more and more sloppy and uneven cuts.

Forwards 4 years later, Light recently turned 18, his cutting has gotten worse to the point of addiction. Light receives the Death Note, and he is under severe surveillance and watched by L. He discovers a rather clever way into getting L to stop suspecting him, it was practically fool proof.

Light would continue his daily routine, which included cutting. Having L see him cut would be enough to make the detective realize that Light really was just a teenager, he just had a cutting addiction as a way to relieve stress and L would most likely watch Light for another day or so before removing all the cameras and wiretaps. Light didn't expect his father to be watching him, that slipup had cost Light many things and now he would be under constant watch with L and he would be forced to "talk" out his feelings and stop cutting.

Light supposed it would all be for greater good of the future world he would soon rule. He just had to take care of an annoying detective.


	5. Chapter 5

Sachiko sat in her kitchen in later that day. It was late afternoon, the sun was starting to set and the sky was a dark pink, orange, and purple mixed together. She sat alone, as Sayu went to stay with her friends and Soichiro went to work on a big case.

A frown settled on her face as she held a hot cup of tea to settle her nerves. She raised the cup to her lips and her hands shook and she placed the cup back down on the table. She repeated this action many times, as the memories of Light's accusations of her and Soichiro began to rise back up in her mind.

 _"You never cared anyways"_

 _ **Crash**_

 _ **Shatter**_

Sachiko wasn't aware she held her cup of tea until she dropped it on the table and the glass shattered everywhere and the tea was now just a puddle on her table, dripping down onto the floor. Sachiko heard a dark voice say inside of her, _"The tea spilled just as his blood did. And you weren't even aware of his pain_." She kept hearing Light's sweet honey voice say that with such a dull and bitter way. How his normally cheerful and hopeful eyes stared at her with such resentment and almost pure hatred.

When did Light feel like this?

How long has Light felt like this?

Was this really Light?

Sachiko pushed those thoughts away. Yet the last thought had gotten to her the most. It was ridiculous but still...

That cold gaze staring at her wasn't her Light. His eyes were so dull and dead. His voice was so bitter. No. This wasn't her Light.

Her Light always had a bright cheerful smile. He happily showed his mother his straight A's on his report cards and would be ecstatic for days on end. He would laugh innocently whenever Sayu got angry at her TV dramas. Light would help out his mother with the groceries and would try his best at cooking with her, but he could never figure out just how to make the flavor of the food taste just like hers and how Light would help her reprimand his father for working late and not eating well during the late dinners when Soichiro actually would come home.

That was her Light.

He was right.

Light was always right.

Sachiko didn't care.

She didn't care enough. She didn't care enough to see through her son's pain. She didn't care enough to actually look him in the eyes when he wanted her- not just her. Anyone. Someone. Just look him in the eyes and tell him they know.

That they can see his pain. His struggle. His unhappiness. His silent pleas and cries for help.

Looking back at it Sachiko could see all of that now. Her Light. He never existed. All those memories weren't true. None of them were. A choked sob escaped her lips.

Everything was just a facade that Light made to protect his family. How could she be so blind?

"Mom!" A voice cried out. Sachiko jumped and for a moment expected to see Light standing in front of her. But he wasn't. Sayu stood, concern on her face and she quickly scrambled to help her mother clean up the glass and tea which was so cold as ice now. How long had she sat there?

* * *

"Dad!"

"What is it sweetheart?"

"There's something wrong with mom!"

"Did something happen? Is she okay?"

"She just grabbed her chest and said it hurt! She passed out and now she stopped breathing!"

"... _Kira_ " Soichiro said so quietly onto the phone, that Sayu thought he said nothing at all.

* * *

 **Hey guys I'm sorry for not updating but I went through a terrible writer's block and I'm sorry that this is a short chapter. Thank you for the favorites and the follows they are so inspiring! Seriously thank you guys so much! So what do you guys think? I never really read stories about Sachiko that I haven't already read. Please leave a review on your thoughts here guys! Hope you have a great week and until next time guys!**

 **KiraRose17**


	6. i don't know

**Okay I have no clue where I'm going with this story or any of my stories. I'm not sure if what I'm doing is good or not and I don't know when I'm going to update again. I'm not going to lie I dunno if I want to keep writing my stories..**

 **I'm going through some things and I'm not sure if I'm going to make it through. If I don't update by Friday then I prolly won't update any of my stories again. I'm just not feeling my writing vibes.**

 **Later then, DelirousMelody**


	7. Story has been adopted

All stories are being adopted by a close friend of mine. EdgyBoi, yes ridiculous name but it's funny, who is going to most likely change up some chapters but all in all will re-publish the stories and stories of their own . I thank all of my followers and reviewers so much for being there and I'm so sorry I couldn't continue writing...

I wish you all the best of luck and goodbye, DeliriousMelody.


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